Friday, 29 April 2016

QUIZ: Everything But Sensible Soccer

When compiling a new quiz, I tend to have a nose at the history of that day and see if there was anything going on in the past that would be a neat hook for a few daft questions. When I looked and saw for today: "April 29th 1994: Commodore International declares bankruptcy." my brain instantly thought "ooh I should do a quiz about all my favourite Amiga games of the time!" because I was a huge fan of my Amiga 500 and played it throughout the majority of the nineties. Then sense and reason kicked in and said "nah, that's far too niche, nobody is going to enjoy that!"

And then I thought "sod it" and did it anyway...

So here are twenty of my favourite Amiga games that weren't Sensible Soccer (because I simply couldn't just choose one version of it and if I'm honest SWOS was the superior game but I missed being able to score piss easy goals from the centre) because I...well, just because really. Answers after no doubt a barrage of "YOU LIKED THAT??!?!" on Twitter...

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

QUIZ: Toys Toys Toys Quiz Toys Toys Toys

Its Wednesday and we're all about ready for the weekend. But what happens when there's still two days of work left and your disco trousers wont be back from the menders until Friday? Well, maybe you should go down to the shops on your dinner break and buy yourself...a TOY! 

I bet you're feeling better already! But before you rush off to Alan's Toys up tarn, take today's quiz which features ten former British Toy Of The Year winners. How many do you remember?  

Answers after a quick look through the Grattan catalogue. 

But first...THE FULL TOYS R US THEME!!!!!

Tuesday, 26 April 2016

QUIZ: Profoundly In Love With Pandora

I was recently in the three by two foot section WHSmith has left allocated for magazines next to the chocolates, cards, Kobo Readers, board games and novelty musical socks. (You know, just next to the internal Post Office and the fourth KFC.) Anyway, it was there I noticed a new copy of Kerrang! magazine, a periodical I read faithfully between the years 1995 to 2001 and had assumed folded the minute I stopped reading it because music was not as good as it used to be.

Amazingly it was full of new bands I'd never heard of in my befuddled 35 year old state. All Time Low? Pierce The Veil?? I. Ron Maiden? WHO?!? Where were the likes of Symposium, Midget, Tampasm and Kittie? The only face I seemed to recognise on a cursory glance over was actually a drawing: Pandora, Ray Zell's excellent snarky rock star dismisser who had taken down all the bands of my reading era. Not that I had a clue which current rock star she was presently snarking at but it was good to see her carrying on nonetheless.

And so I wondered if any of the old strips were online and - would you adam and Eve 6 it - there's a whole archive!! You can guess the next bit...

Which various musical types is Pandora graciously allowing in her strip below? Answers after Continuum...


Monday, 25 April 2016

QUIZ: Happy Birthday Ian Darts

"Its only a game / so put up a real big fight / I'm gonna be / throwing some darts / tonight". So almost went the theme to a programme not about darts but I couldn't think of any songs about that and I'm fairly sure music by the 70s pop act Darts wouldn't count. I'll start again...

It's Eric Bristow's birthday! "The Crafty Cockney" is 59 today and still probably the most famous darts player in the world after Phil "The Power" Powerington, Ian Darts and the late Harry Secombe. His autobiography (amazingly titled "The Crafty Cockney") is one of the finest books on sport ever to be written by a man named Eric Bristow. To celebrate, I've got ten quotes from it here for you. But only six of them are real - can you find the fake flight-flingers and the true tungsten-tipped talking?

As they say in darts - LETS DARTS!

1. "My first detention was for farting on the school headmaster. He called me a 'darts-obsessed youth' and I called him a 'non-darting fanny'. I had to write a thousand lines about being respectful to my elders. I thought 'We'll see who has the last laugh when I pick up the News Of the World Under 18s Trophy!"

2. "I always walked the streets with a claw hammer stuffed down the front of my trousers in case of any trouble. Everywhere I went I took it with me. That claw hammer became my best friend. It got me out of some sticky situations because you never felt totally safe walking the streets of Stoke Newington."

3. "In 1988, I was asked to be a guest on Paul Daniels' Magic Programme and I thought why not, something to show the kids so went on and was asked to tie the feller into a mummy's tomb thing. I genuinely couldn't see how it was done and I worked out who did it in Murder On The Orient Express in 20 minutes. But that little baldy was just too quick for me that day. Dickhead."

4. "I loved having babies around the house. I was fine with changing nappies and mopping up sick. I was a New Man before the term had even been coined."

5. "I've always loved the darts but if there was money in playing Connect Four, I'd have happily been World Champion at that. I just always seem to win my games. Its like a magic spell. I was shit at Buckaroo though."

6. "I blame Roy Castle for the smoking ban. I did a few charity events in aid of the Roy Castle Foundation and the one thing that got me was how all the smokers there were frightened to light up. I just went dink at the first opportunity and puffed away. Then I’d hear the dink, dink, dink of other people’s lighters as they followed suit. What a bunch of idiots."

7. "We were all in the pub one night having a bit of after-time and Brian got a bit rough with this gay and started pulling him about. He was having a laugh, but going a bit over the top, as he was inclined to do when he’d had a few beers. He ended up pulling this gay by the arm and it came off in Brian’s hand. Brian just stared at this arm in bewilderment. I was on the floor rolling about with laughter. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen. In the end the one-armed gay landlord said, ‘Give me my arm back,’ snatched it off Brian and put it back in the socket."

8. "In 1987, I was playing in an American casino when a Yank came up to me and said, ‘You crazy mad Brits, shooting all those people in Hungerford.’ He was referring to the Hungerford massacre when Michael Ryan shot and killed sixteen people with two semi-automatic rifles and a handgun before turning the weapons on himself. I said, ‘I’ve never heard of Hungerford, you dickhead. What are you on about?'

9. "I've never believed in ghosts but one night coming back to the hotel in Manchester after a few too many sherbets I got a bit lost and had to ask directions from this black geezer in a fancy hat. He put me on the straight path and the next morning after a full English and a kip I thought I'd go out and find this guy to offering him two tickets to the final for being so kind. But when I went back he'd gone and nobody around had any memory of seeing him. Still haunts me to this day."

10. "We were all in the green room before filming started when Rod Hull came into the bar. He was the surprise celebrity guest who came on at the end of the show. I wasn’t keen on him; I’d seen what he did with other people. He basically used the puppet to feel up women and stick his hand between people’s legs. It was out of order. We’d all had a drink, perhaps one or two more than we should  I went straight up Rod Hull’s face, eyeball to eyeball, and said, ‘Now listen, pal. When you come on set later on with that fucking silly bird of yours, if you come anywhere near me with that fucking thing I will knock you out straight, on telly, whether it’s fucking live or not. I will bop you.’


When Hull came on later on he was pulling Jim Bowen all over the place with his stupid Emu, but he didn’t come anywhere near us; he daren’t. Then the silly sod went and fell off his roof and died some years later. What a plonker. When I heard about it I thought, well it’s a pity that bird can’t fly or it could’ve saved him. I didn’t like Rod Hull. He was a pervert who was getting away with something that wasn’t right. That’s why if he’d touched me inappropriately with his hand I would’ve sparked him. His bottle went when I threatened him. He’d only come down to have a quiet drink before the show, but I had to nip it in the bud. I didn’t want another situation developing as happened on Michael Parkinson’s show a few years earlier where he assaulted Michael so much that he fell backwards off his chair. That was well out of order."

Answers after the old Bull and Bush....

Friday, 22 April 2016

QUIZ: Eight Word BBC2 Tango

On April 20th 1964, a new television channel called BBC Two proudly launched with a live show of music, comedy, drama and a giant fireworks display. At least that's what would've happened had Battersea Power Station not caught fire sending the channel into black out. Famously the first real programme to air instead was the following morning's "Play School", which ultimately as fine a debut as any channel could ask for.

Since then BBC Two has been bastion of the higher purpose with more cerebral, worthwhile programming than its sister channels, where the arts could thrive and experiments could be made in drama and comedy...until about 1999 when it became mostly renovation and cooking programmes. But let's not dwell on that and instead remember the great shows that first started out on the second channel. And that can only mean...

Yes, its time (well...two days late) for another bunch of programmes reduced to just eight words for you to guess. All of this selection began life on BBC2 and years on air have been provided to offer an extra hint. Answers after they show The Goodies...

1. Despite what he says, it wasn't the news. (1994)

2. Price of the car was the only reasonable thing. (1977)

3. Thirty one years in nine episodes. Northern powerhouse. (1996)

4. Former controller reinvents both nature docs and himself. (1979)

5. Bed, breakfast and a poor recognition of hamsters. (1975)

6. Rapid relaying of character catchphrases. Which was nice. (1994)

7. Could you happen to provide any employment, friend? (1982)

8. Life in showbiz is hard, especially when talentless. (1987)

9. The aged music seal of approval. No humming. (1971)

10. It wasn't on the trolley. Victorious on T.V. (1985)

No Maurice Mitcheners were harmed during the making of this quiz.

Thursday, 21 April 2016

QUIZ: The Kwality Kounterfeit Kween Kwiz

So as you've probably seen / celebrated / vomited up your spine in anger at its The Queen's 90th birthday, a chance for every boring person on Earth to repeatedly express an opinion. Personally speaking, I couldn't give a stuff either way but I hope she doesn't get bummed by an escaped gorilla from the zoo too. Not saying I'm Jesus etc etc...

As in someone in his thirties, my generation is in a unique position to have seen more parodies of The Queen and the Royal Family than the real people themselves. Looking back at the launch of a certain satirical programme's brand of latex lampoonery in 1984, there was absolute uproar at the announcement they were going to feature the Royals on a weekly basis. They can't talk back you know! Boo-urns! Ironically, those sketches made this distant extraordinary family much more human and relatable to a wider audience.

Nowadays, parodies of the Royals come thick and fast, especially from the U.S. who are obsessed with our dear old HRH Wossname. So, unsurprisingly, today's quiz features ten particular spoof appearances of Elizabeth II from various television programmes...but which shows would you have seen these "sort of Queen"s? Answers before King Ralph does a face.

Hellllooooooooooooooooooooo Queen! 

Thanks The Queen!

A new quiz coming later today but in the meantime, The Queen HRH Her Majesty Queen, The (QUEEN) is 90 today and for no better reason, the site I self-publish my books through are giving 25% off until midnight tonight. Whether a ferment Royalist or state-smashing anti-Monarchist, why not support me and the site by picking one my books up cheap? Thank you.

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

QUIZ: Looking Back At Look In 4

Who knew when I launched this blog that one of the most popular features would very quickly turn out to be wonky watercolour paintings of 1970's celebrities? Well, everyone probably because no matter how much we say its "sociological research into pre-Thatcherite Britain" and "valid social history", really we're just fascinated at the fact a magazine could look like that in this modern age of glossy, gift-bulging titles. Doesn't hurt some of the contents are (as they should be) baffling to a 2016 audience. But, as always, now ask the question: "Who the f**k Look-In?"

Which celebrities are seen here in all their 70s pomp and glory

Answers afer OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE? 

Tuesday, 19 April 2016

QUIZ: Laughing With

We all like a laugh, don't we? Except Nicky "No Laughs" Noggington. And Judge Doom off of Roger Rabbit. Oh, and your dad. But the rest of us do and for no better reason than today being the birthday of both Dudley Moore and Ruby Wax, here's a simple comedy quiz.

So...who released the following stand up shows on VHS / DVD?

1. First Class Scamp, Birdstrike!, Hooves, Sausage Time

2. Bites Yer Bum!, Was It Something I Said?, ...And Albert

3. Definite Article, Glorious, Sexie, Force Majeure

4.  Go You Ahead Hmmn…!, Says Bull’cks to Europe, The Cornish Ambassador

5. Different Planet Tour, XL, Roadrunner

6. Live And Unleashed, Live and Loud, So Much Things To Say

7. Live And Squeaky, Twin Squeaks, Does He Really Talk Like That? 

8. Alive And Kidding, Live At The Queen Vic, Being Frank – The Guvnor's Last Stand

9. Sold Out, Live in Your Own Home, At the Albert Hall

10. Live 'N' Lewd, The Man Who Thinks He's It, As Alan Partridge And Other Less Successful Characters – Live

Answers after some jail. 

Monday, 18 April 2016

QUIZ: Rick Moranis - The Animated Series

Put on your best tweed suit, learn accountancy and feed your love interest's violent sociopathic dentist partner to a carnivorous alien plant because it's Rick Moranis' Birthday! Born this day in 1953, opinion on Moranis was skewed for a long time thanks to his appearance in some notably rotten 90s movies, such as Splitting Heirs, The Flintstones and Big Bully making his name an easy laugh with his disappearance from the cinema only revealed as self-imposed retirement to look after his kids long after.

Personally speaking, I've always been a huge fan thanks to his appearance on a number of my favourite films, particularly Ghostbusters, Strange Brew and my favourite movie musical ever, Little Shop Of Horrors. He also seemed a regular face on my telly not just for his films but the fact he was the inspiration for not one but two cartoon series of my youth - 1990's "Gravedale High" in which he played a regular teacher in charge of a class full of distinctly 90s takes on classic cinematic monsters.

Then the following year there was the equally short lived "Little Shop" which dropped the "Of Horrors" and didn't feature Moranis as such but rather his character Seymour, now a young boy in charge of an unruly and hungry - but importantly now no longer murderous - plant.

Nowadays celebrity endorsements in cartoons stretch to guest voices here and there, such as David Bowie in Spongebob Squarepants but in my youth, there was an explosion of animated shows that stuck famous faces front and centre in desperate bid to drag in an audience, regardless of they were kid friendly or not. Can you tell who these animated celebrities leading up their own shows are meant to be?

Answers after this episode of "Limozeen....But They're In Space!"

Friday, 15 April 2016

QUIZ: 1 Million Watts of Music Power

And so I reach the last day of my impromptu 1996 themed week in conjunction with the wonderful From The Sublime podcast and whilst there's been plenty about the music of the era, what about the hardy souls who brought us the ignorable inane chatter around those hit tracks on the wireless? Funnily enough, I've a quiz for that! So here's the regular Radio 1 lineup from April 1996, how many do you remember? 

Followed by Wendy Lloyd and Clive Warren but you try find a picture of the latter from the 90s where he doesn't look half dead with biscuits round his mouth. Of course, most of the above DJs can now be found at Radio 2 now. Speaking of which......

Answers after you name three from Then Jericho in ten seconds.

Thursday, 14 April 2016

QUIZ: Doctor Who And The Ratings Terror

Are we still doing the 1996 thing? Well, okay then. Looking back at Tuesday's TV quiz, there were a few folks surprised I'd missed out what was for them the biggest telly event of the year - no, not the episode of Seaquest DSV where Darwin said "knackers" - but Doctor Who which was back back BACK! For 85 minutes! (89 without PAL speedup) And then it was gone again! Which from a modern perspective, eleven years and four Doctors into a revival, was a blessing in disguise, no matter how good Paul McGann was in the role.

It had rated well enough to finish ninth in the week's TV with over 9 million viewers on a Bank Holiday Monday in May. Sadly in America, the story was always that it was crushed by its competition and only managed 5 and a half million. Enough to launch fifty Netflix series on now but in 1996, not great for national US television. So, what did it go up against? Well, that's for you to tell me in The Great Time Lord Rivalry Of 1996...

Here are six screengrabs from the actual episodes up against Doctor Who the night of May 14th 1996 (The John Larroquette Show, Wings, Moesha and CBS' Totally Animals amazingly did not make the list) but can you work out what the programmes are?

And as a bonus, here are four more programmes and episodes that aired that same week on the same channel as Who. (Fox.) Can you guess them all?

Answers after Jimi Hendrix picks up his puppy.... 

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

QUIZ: Eight Word TV Tango 2

Keeping the mid nineties theme from yesterday going, here's an all new 8 Word TV Tango, a quiz where the premise of ten well known telly programmes are reduced to eight simple words. To help, this selection of cryptic channel-stuffers all originally appeared on the box in 1996. And amazingly, none of them are the Doctor Who TV movie...

1. Blokes in Ben Sherman bray for Black Grape.

2. She's not Clarissa anymore but she's still magic.

3. Single both sex lawyers! Having lots of sex! 

4. Surprisingly fun felt revival is unsurprisingly quickly cancelled.

5. English priest moves to comically named Irish town.

6. Wobbly women whipping up some feasts; now deceased.

7. Jokes about Dick are frequent; alien to me. 

8. Pathology has its insides revealed by Amanda Burton. 

9. Who needs a budget when you've got toys?

10. Funny man remakes funny scripts. Not that funny.

Answers after someone gets through an entire episode of Millennium.

Monday, 11 April 2016

QUIZ: Long Dark Twenty

Did you know that as well as being a world champion quizzist and powerful blog-wrangler, I also write and perform for various podcasts? One of which is "From The Sublime", an excellent review of recent pop-culture put together by journalist Iain Hepburn.

The latest episode is now available to download and is a special "1996" themed show with features on the likes of This Life, the much missed Neon magazine, Baddiel, Skinner and the brief spell of Euro 96 fever, pop and the promise of Babylon Zoo, WWF vs WWE vs NWO, celebrating Scottish fiction with the Children of Albion Rovers and there's myself talking about the time Bob Mortimer and Noel Gallagher went to Chris Evans house for Good Friday tea. 

As a bit of cross promotional confrontation, here's a special 1996 movie quiz in which SIXTEEN of the year's biggest films have had their logos adapted to make a sentence....just. How much do you remember about the tinseltown tosspots of twenty years ago? Lets find out...

Answers after some fashionable heroin.

Friday, 8 April 2016

QUIZ: Musical Maths 3

Bit of simple musical maths for the weekend for you here. What do the following titles add up to creating a fourth separate pop hit? Answers below.


Answer after this photograph of a rather saucy gorilla...

And hello to you too, cheeky! 

Ok, here's the answer....

Inspiral Carpets' "Move" (No.49 in 1989) PLUS Aphex Twin's "On" (No. 32 in 1993) PLUS Right Said Fred's 1991 album "Up" EQUALS "Move On Up" by Curtis Mayfield, one of the greatest anythings ever. Happy weekend! 

Thursday, 7 April 2016

QUIZ: To The End

Today's quiz is all about TV end boards, IDEANTS and closing logos. Or to give them their more common industry term, vanity plates. So, whassat when its at 'ome? Well, this is one:

As is this:

Its the thing that appears right at the end of a programme, almost always from the U.S., which tells you who made it. Some are dowdy and dull, others like Chuck Lorre's programmes (Mom, Two And A Half Jokes, Them Funny Nerds! etc.) which usually include a small essay at the end or the changing backwards messages after episodes of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (invariably the male cast chanting about something brown) are frenetic and quirky.

Today's quiz is interested in those with a bit of speech over the final moments, a brief one to two second blast before the adverts kick in. Name any U.S. TV programme you'd hear the following lines over the very end segments...

1. "Night Mr Walters..."

2. "Fremulon!" / "Not a Doctor!"

3. "I made this!"

4. "That's some bad hat Harry!"

5. "Grr! Arrgh!"

6. "Bye, have a wonderful time!" / "Bye, have a beautiful time!"

7. "Greg, move your head!"

8. "Abso Lutely"

9. "Did you get any of that?" / "Its-a good show!"

10. "Shhh!"

Answers after this commercial break...

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

AUDIO: Punk Rock Pub Quiz Podcast 1

Punk Rock Pub Quiz - a book, a blog but originally the name was used for a monthly live event I run with my musician friends Josh Tildesley (bass), Oscar Manthorp (guitar/trumpet/penny whistle/whatever you hand to him), Sam Drury (guitar) and Patch Kelly (drums). A combination of comedy gig, rock show and pub quiz, it's a unique mixture of songs, questions and sketches designed around a monthly theme.

April 2016's theme was "Wrestling and Owls" celebrating the twin hobbies of the PRPQ band and was performed and recorded on April 3rd, 2016 just before Wrestlemania at the Exchange, Keighley. Each show is a one-off performance due to the whole 'quiz answers' element but for the first time you can hear the whole show (minus a few visual elements for sanity's sake) right flipping now in the first Punk Rock Pub Quiz Podcast!

Highlights include: a trip to The Rock's kitchen, more owl facts than any one person could ever want or humanly need in one lifetime (about seven), we learn about the Brock Lobster, wrestlers in the movies, a loving tribute to the works of John Cena, a chance to meet the band's squared circle alter-egos, a terrifying rendition of an Aqua favourite and we settle that age old eternal question - which *is* better: wrestling or owls?

You can stream or download the 40 minute show here...

Or use this more direct download link (right click and save.)  

And here's a bit of video taken from the audience of the band's wrestling alter egos taking the stage (bar my own "Owltimate Warrior" which was clearly the best one...)

If you like it, support future shows by telling a friend! Or buy a book! All sharing and contributing really helps. Thank you. 

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

QUIZ: Live In New York (Lives In Barnsley)

Can you believe its 22 years already since the pop singer Kurt Cobain tragically ended his own life in 1994 (which as we all know Courtney paid for with covert CIA funds from the Moon people)? Putting aside the ghoulish and sad nature of a death so young, Nirvana were considered one of the very greatest live acts, both now and then, with the "Unplugged In New York" album topping the NME's best live albums chart when it still actually charged people to read deodorant ads.

So as way of proper tribute to a very ill man who could write some neat songs, stick on the fantastic recording of Nirvana's famous live set at Reading 1992 and try work out which twelve other equally lauded live albums are being shown minus their artists and titles below.

Answers after a thirty minute silence then some unpalatable noise. 

Monday, 4 April 2016

QUIZ: Owl or Wrestler?

Here from last night's Punk Rock Pub Quiz live show is a specially extended variant on our first round. As the show was called "Wrestling and Owls", we made many references to both and got the ball rolling with "Genus of Owl or WWE Wrestler?" And now you can too...

1. Ryback

2. Tyto 

3. Hornswoggle

4. Pulsatrix

5. Athene

6. Nia Jax

7. Megascops

8. Maven

9. Ninox

10. Chrisbenoit 

Answers after emitting some pellets. 

Friday, 1 April 2016


The band want to do a wrestling themed quiz. 

Ben wants to do a quiz about owls. 

Place your bets now. 

Live! This Sunday! From 7:30pm 
at Exchange Arts Centre, Russell St,  Keighley, West Yorkshire
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