Not only do a substantial amount of you seem adamant on electing Alan Sugar USA to the most important role in the country, possibly World but your websites also keep putting the fear of Trump up me when they start saying "HAVE YOU GOT YOUR MOTHER'S DAY GIFT YET?", "HEY GIFTY! GIFT UP YER MOTHER!" and "YOU BAD SON IF NO GIFT FOR MOTHER THIS SUNDAY!" and I naturally panic and think "Oh god, I am bad gifty son with no gift for mother!"
Then I remember we've already had our Mother's Day and America celebrates theirs on a different day. Sigh. Thanks for nothing! Now I've bought fifteen of the finest garage forecourt blooms and an unsettling ceramic clown! That's £3.75 I'm never getting back! (Love you mum)
Things were so much easier when I was a kid. School would make sure we were aware of all the big events and ready with a present, inevitably involving felt tips, that rubbery glue stuff you could twang in a ball at your friends and so very much glitter, designed perfectly to turn up all over the house the second the present is home. And even if it was half term or the teachers had all had the screaming abdabs, there was the trusty British comic to remind us of the big themes we needed to know, like Easter, the Olympics and when there'd be "GREAT NEWS INSIDE!"
So to show America how its done, here's 12 of my favourite long-suffering mums and dads from the comics of my youth. But which darling cartoon child are they the bearer of?
Answers after writing "I WILL NOT BE AN AMERICAN" 1000 times on the blackboard.
1. Minnie The Minx, 2. Frankie Stein, 3. Shiner, 4. Roger The Dodger, 5. Buster, 6. Sweeney Toddler, 7. Archie (son of Lolly Pop), 8. Dennis The Menace, 9. Tom Thug, 10. Cuddles And Dimples (originally two families), 11. Cheeky, 12. Plug, Sidney, Toots, Fatty and Wilfred (But I'll let you have The Bash Street Kids)