Thursday, 5 May 2016

QUIZ: Vote For Me!

Strap your opinions to your face and run to the nearest Scout hut to cast your constitutional right in a little booth because (if you're in England because that's where I perhaps foolishly assume most of my readers come from) Its Voting Day! Whether it's Police commissioner, local council or which flavour delicious New Covent Garden SoupTM you want for dinner, it's important to make sure your voice is heard. Because god knows, the people who disagree with you will be! Donald Drumpf etc.

But what if you could only vote for people whose birthday it is today? Well, thats a frankly ludicrous suggestion and should not be considered. But imagine if that was the premise of a quiz! Which ten candidates born on May 5th are represented here by their campaign pledges?

1. My P.R.O.M.I.S.E. to you is that no matter what happens, I will stand by my manifesto. 

2. No matter where I am flying in the world, I will keep an note in my diaries to stick to the mission and never spam you with yarns.

3. I pledge instant contact. No calls diverted to answer phone. Maybe I could take you for a drink on Tuesday and see how the week goes from there. (Except Sunday.)

4. Some may say it's a fable but as a syndicate of humanity, black and white, we can all make this populous great.

5. Steel yourself for a man who knows what is best for this world, even if I am not from here myself.

6. Despite what my surname suggests, I am neither a sitcom hologram or like to put my wilbus up around the bottom area. No cooking of the books but lets do brunch.

7. I promise a sparing of cutters across the board by 1984. (A sparing of cutters across the board by 1984.) Sorry, is there an echo in here?

8. If elected, I will increase the use of terrifying electronic noises on them big reel to reel tape machines and some oscillator things. If you've got the Time, then I'm your Lady.

9. Hello, its me. I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet to go over increased EU subsidies on corn and wheat by-product importation.

10. You want a manifesto? I got your manifesto right here. Top marks.

Today is also rapper and repeated woman puncher Chris Brown's birthday but he can, of course, die in a fire. Answers after you flipping GO VOTE! In the meantime, here's a mix of political pop and comedy stuff I made a few years ago you might like to listen to...

And now the results from the Buttocks (South) council...